Clear communication. We choose never to get extremely emotionally spent or elsewhere profoundly involved in those who can’t or won’t communicate obviously, really and forthrightly about their requirements, desires, boundaries, emotions, intercourse, and intimate wellness. Or whom can’t look for a real means to pay attention freely for me once I want to communicate these specific things. I need clear answers — and I will keep asking until I get that clarity when I ask important questions.
We don’t do lukewarm or ambivalent
We just remain intimately, romantically, beard dating or emotionally thinking about enthusiasts whom operate with me or otherwise connect with me like they are attracted to me, appreciate me, and enjoy my company enough to put forth some effort to spend time. And whom don’t seem to be notably conflicted or ambivalent about their participation beside me. This is applicable for casual and periodic connections along with much much deeper relationships that are ongoing. We don’t need (or wish) nonstop intense attention; but way too much ambivalence, diffidence or passivity turn me off time that is big. And also this relates to circumstances the place where a lover that is potential appear to voice an impression, make plans, or decide without constantly checking with somebody else first for authorization; ambivalence rooted in too little autonomy turns me personally down just as much as ambivalence rooted in deficiencies in interest or effort.
Safer intercourse. We completely enjoy safer intercourse, with condoms as well as other strategies as appropriate. Unbarriered penetrative sex (“fluid bonding“) will not significantly increase my real pleasure or psychological satisfaction, nor does it denote any such thing unique about my relationships. I’ve discovered my relationships are easier, safer much less drama-prone when I’m in line with all lovers about safer intercourse. Talking about likes that are sexual desires, and wellness can be an crucial (and enjoyable!) section of that procedure. Additionally, once I don’t feel i must surveil or micromanage my partners’ (and their partners’) intercourse everyday lives, that will help all of us relax – and therefore have better intercourse. Consequently i opt for condoms for vaginal and rectal intercourse (the actions that will express the risk that is greatest in my experience), and I also talk to lovers to guage other risks/circumstances and adjust as required.
This level of trust in rare cases I may opt to have unbarriered sex occasionally or regularly with a specific partner — but only if we’ve been using condoms for a while, and I’m satisfied that their STI status/testing, behavior, and character warrant. As well as when we agree at the start that going back to utilizing condoms wouldn’t be seen as downgrading our psychological closeness or intimate connection. Lovers who need no condoms to be able to close feel emotionally in my experience, or even to enjoy intercourse after all, aren’t intimately suitable for me personally.
Preserve autonomy
My autonomy is key to me personally. I make an effort to simply simply simply take lovers and metamours into consideration, and I also have always been usually affected I will not change myself solely to suit them by them, but. Nor am I going to enable other people the energy to accept, constrain or veto my decisions, including those involving other people to my relationships. I am going to perhaps perhaps perhaps not immediately adopt anyone problems that are else’s preferences, biases, priorities, worries, or grudges. Nor can I cave directly into shame trips, acting down, manipulation, or other pressure that is similar at changing or managing me personally.
Integrity and obligation. I don’t assist people cheat, and We don’t take part in don’t-ask-don’t tell plans. If I’m someone that is dating possesses main partner (or current significant non-primary lovers), I’d often want to ensure with those current lovers that their relationship is definitely actually start before things have more included than a couple of times. (i favor to make the journey to understand my metamours, anyway.) Additionally, I shall perhaps perhaps maybe not lie up to a metamour to be able to protect someone.